Continuation of the evaluation December 27

I was writing about recurring patterns in my relationships , and here's another one I found worth mentioning, is that people or men in my life don't take seriously my feelings, like they are not important. I have to push them down within myself. I am constantly learning to stand up for what I feel. I think the first time in my life I had this with my grandmother, our feelings were always ridiculed, like we weren't allowed to 'moan' and here I got this again from P, that I am moaning on Christmas. I was strong enough to get out of this trouble by myself, but the question is, why are we together? If he does not see how he treats me sometimes? He was really rude with me many times, always apologised but always forgot about how he was with me, and things went back again, in circles. He calls me stupid, tells me to go to my mother, to stop moaning and so on. He let me down when I needed him. It's like when I took the hotel room because he said he can't see my face, because I exploded not being able to take his rudeness anymore when I came back from Russia, and he started to shout at me on the phone, that I don't have money and I'm taking hotels how selfish it's of me. He was never on your side. He thinks you're selfish when you're not doing the things he expects you to do. On the whole, reading back he sounds like a very insecure and manipulative person, and he does not behave like a man in this relationship.

Why are you taking this from anyone? You are repeating the same mistakes over again. It's not enough that someone loves you. They need to be positive, gentle, listening and respectful with you, as this is what you can give yourself, to the other person. So you deserve it to be given by someone.

Can I just mention it here, that how he behaved with you when you were in the hospital and he came to pick you up? That was very heartless of him. When your uncle died, he made an argument for the clothes, then how he was with you on your Amsterdam trip was phenomenal, when he picked you up in Heathrow Airport, the he said he lost money on it, he does not care about your friends, he always wants things his way. And what's worse is that at the end of it all, he is the one unsatisfied with you. When you say something he did, he responds that why I am bringing up stuff about him, even from a month ago. Enjoying his 3-4 days. You became nervous, unstable and out of balance. You need to look after yourself. This relationship is toxic for you. I fucking hate him now.