The most important thing you need to do is to become a practitioner, you got this message quite clearly. It isn't selfish, to do what's the best for you, it's taking care of yourself and knowing how valuable you and your life are.
You can't give your life to other people.
Wednesday, 27 December 2017
Continuation of the evaluation December 27
I was writing about recurring patterns in my relationships , and here's another one I found worth mentioning, is that people or men in my life don't take seriously my feelings, like they are not important. I have to push them down within myself. I am constantly learning to stand up for what I feel. I think the first time in my life I had this with my grandmother, our feelings were always ridiculed, like we weren't allowed to 'moan' and here I got this again from P, that I am moaning on Christmas. I was strong enough to get out of this trouble by myself, but the question is, why are we together? If he does not see how he treats me sometimes? He was really rude with me many times, always apologised but always forgot about how he was with me, and things went back again, in circles. He calls me stupid, tells me to go to my mother, to stop moaning and so on. He let me down when I needed him. It's like when I took the hotel room because he said he can't see my face, because I exploded not being able to take his rudeness anymore when I came back from Russia, and he started to shout at me on the phone, that I don't have money and I'm taking hotels how selfish it's of me. He was never on your side. He thinks you're selfish when you're not doing the things he expects you to do. On the whole, reading back he sounds like a very insecure and manipulative person, and he does not behave like a man in this relationship.
Why are you taking this from anyone? You are repeating the same mistakes over again. It's not enough that someone loves you. They need to be positive, gentle, listening and respectful with you, as this is what you can give yourself, to the other person. So you deserve it to be given by someone.
Can I just mention it here, that how he behaved with you when you were in the hospital and he came to pick you up? That was very heartless of him. When your uncle died, he made an argument for the clothes, then how he was with you on your Amsterdam trip was phenomenal, when he picked you up in Heathrow Airport, the he said he lost money on it, he does not care about your friends, he always wants things his way. And what's worse is that at the end of it all, he is the one unsatisfied with you. When you say something he did, he responds that why I am bringing up stuff about him, even from a month ago. Enjoying his 3-4 days. You became nervous, unstable and out of balance. You need to look after yourself. This relationship is toxic for you. I fucking hate him now.
Why are you taking this from anyone? You are repeating the same mistakes over again. It's not enough that someone loves you. They need to be positive, gentle, listening and respectful with you, as this is what you can give yourself, to the other person. So you deserve it to be given by someone.
Can I just mention it here, that how he behaved with you when you were in the hospital and he came to pick you up? That was very heartless of him. When your uncle died, he made an argument for the clothes, then how he was with you on your Amsterdam trip was phenomenal, when he picked you up in Heathrow Airport, the he said he lost money on it, he does not care about your friends, he always wants things his way. And what's worse is that at the end of it all, he is the one unsatisfied with you. When you say something he did, he responds that why I am bringing up stuff about him, even from a month ago. Enjoying his 3-4 days. You became nervous, unstable and out of balance. You need to look after yourself. This relationship is toxic for you. I fucking hate him now.
Monday, 25 December 2017
I'm back and I'm analysing myself December 25
Dear Ave,
This is a letter to myself, hope you will like facing the truth that you were trying to avoid for so long.
You are different, you are unique. You work differently. You were always like this and you will always be.
You can't change this.
There are some things however, that you can do. Partially for yourself, and partially for the good of other people, this planet.
You need to look after yourself.
You need to nourish your soul, to heal your heart. This sensitivity can be a gift, but also a curse if you don't know how to live with it. So here I am 34 years old, for the first time I accept myself, who I am.
I'm very sensitive. I can feel everything. But mostly, other people. You will always give more, than you receive or then you will not receive at all. But you don't care. You're nobel, and other wordly.
You need to stop suffering because of this and start embracing yourself and this side within yourself.
Your emotional intelligence is very high and only a few people are like you. For most of the time, you are surrounded by people who are less sensitive, or less developed emotionally. That's why also why you suffer. Because you project from your heart, you expect other people to function this way too.
So acceptance is the first step. The second step, is that you will always understand other people, but not too many could feel what you feel. You will alway be lonely in a way. In other way, you will always have yourself to understand all this. You preferred it to be this way.
People who are your kind will recognise you, they will see you. You will always know who they are.
However, they will be fewer, just some.
Your world is beautiful, colourful and full of miracles. And you don't need to do anything to achieve this state, you constantly live like this. You need to be proud of yourself. The only thing you need to do is to be in constant connection with your soul.
You need to look after yourself.
This is the collision within yourself that constantly causing war in your spirit.
You are different, because you know it. Others are looking for truth for times and times. You were born under a lucky star. You need to flourish, open like a rose.
There are two patterns you need to face:
One, is when people have a different image of you, a worse one.
It's because you have a different image of yourself, you think you don't deserve to be good, acknowledged, or appreciated.
The other is, that you're choosing partners who can not give you what you need. You're trying to change yourself just to be on their level. You're delaying your own growth.
Az your girlfriend A said, you should share your life moments with a person who is joyful and loves life.
Please make sure, you make time regularly to sit down, look deep within yourself and see the interconnection between the happenings in your life and your soul. To evaluate your life. Otherwise, you can spend all your life sleeping, until your next life. Life after life.
You could truly achieve anything you wanted in life. You could generate any kind of energy to manifest, anything that is in line with your higher purpose. The future has not happened yet, it's forming now, in this moment. It's your choice, your responsibility to shape it.
You are in the best place you could be right now. Here, in France with your mother, spending some time to recharge. Wipe off that misery of your beautiful face, and be grateful that it happened that you can write and pond on things. You were supposed to do it long ago.
Read a nice book, do your hair, your nails, watch a meaningful movie. It's Christmas time, his birthday to celebrate.
With him, you could not even read a book in peace. See him, for what he is and let it go.
You have so much to do on this planet. You need to write a book, travel, open your health centre. Meet and help more and more people. No wonder you can't find your place and feeling stuck. You stopped the time until you hesitated. It's time to move, to create again.
You need to look after yourself.
Think about yourself, what your heart desires. Who are you, who you want to become?
This is a letter to myself, hope you will like facing the truth that you were trying to avoid for so long.
You are different, you are unique. You work differently. You were always like this and you will always be.
You can't change this.
There are some things however, that you can do. Partially for yourself, and partially for the good of other people, this planet.
You need to look after yourself.
You need to nourish your soul, to heal your heart. This sensitivity can be a gift, but also a curse if you don't know how to live with it. So here I am 34 years old, for the first time I accept myself, who I am.
I'm very sensitive. I can feel everything. But mostly, other people. You will always give more, than you receive or then you will not receive at all. But you don't care. You're nobel, and other wordly.
You need to stop suffering because of this and start embracing yourself and this side within yourself.
Your emotional intelligence is very high and only a few people are like you. For most of the time, you are surrounded by people who are less sensitive, or less developed emotionally. That's why also why you suffer. Because you project from your heart, you expect other people to function this way too.
So acceptance is the first step. The second step, is that you will always understand other people, but not too many could feel what you feel. You will alway be lonely in a way. In other way, you will always have yourself to understand all this. You preferred it to be this way.
People who are your kind will recognise you, they will see you. You will always know who they are.
However, they will be fewer, just some.
Your world is beautiful, colourful and full of miracles. And you don't need to do anything to achieve this state, you constantly live like this. You need to be proud of yourself. The only thing you need to do is to be in constant connection with your soul.
You need to look after yourself.
This is the collision within yourself that constantly causing war in your spirit.
You are different, because you know it. Others are looking for truth for times and times. You were born under a lucky star. You need to flourish, open like a rose.
There are two patterns you need to face:
One, is when people have a different image of you, a worse one.
It's because you have a different image of yourself, you think you don't deserve to be good, acknowledged, or appreciated.
The other is, that you're choosing partners who can not give you what you need. You're trying to change yourself just to be on their level. You're delaying your own growth.
Az your girlfriend A said, you should share your life moments with a person who is joyful and loves life.
Please make sure, you make time regularly to sit down, look deep within yourself and see the interconnection between the happenings in your life and your soul. To evaluate your life. Otherwise, you can spend all your life sleeping, until your next life. Life after life.
You could truly achieve anything you wanted in life. You could generate any kind of energy to manifest, anything that is in line with your higher purpose. The future has not happened yet, it's forming now, in this moment. It's your choice, your responsibility to shape it.
You are in the best place you could be right now. Here, in France with your mother, spending some time to recharge. Wipe off that misery of your beautiful face, and be grateful that it happened that you can write and pond on things. You were supposed to do it long ago.
Read a nice book, do your hair, your nails, watch a meaningful movie. It's Christmas time, his birthday to celebrate.
With him, you could not even read a book in peace. See him, for what he is and let it go.
You have so much to do on this planet. You need to write a book, travel, open your health centre. Meet and help more and more people. No wonder you can't find your place and feeling stuck. You stopped the time until you hesitated. It's time to move, to create again.
You need to look after yourself.
Think about yourself, what your heart desires. Who are you, who you want to become?
Saying Goodbye September 21st
Staying and saying goodbye to this place has always bared a wonderful significance in my life.
Not only because of its incredible, pure beauty and breath taking colours especially at the time of the day when the sun was going down, but also for all the happenings that I was lucky to experience while staying here.
La Belle Fin June 9 Thursday
I needed nearly two weeks to recover from the stress I brought and carried from London. That is a lot of wasted time, but I don't regret it. I really needed this break to rest, recharge and cleanse myself inside.
This was a good lesson to learn for myself, to put into bullet points
- I need to be constantly conscious about my energy consumption and output, and that what I let into my heart.
This was a good lesson to learn for myself, to put into bullet points
- I need to be constantly conscious about my energy consumption and output, and that what I let into my heart.
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